arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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