just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just googled if crying burns calories
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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