so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
