I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
