Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize