I must be too annoying 4 u.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
