All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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