I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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