We're facebook friends in real life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize