We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
