I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
