It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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