I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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