i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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