Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
