38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
