I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
