You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
