I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
