captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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