Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
