is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
