It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
