So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
