I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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