Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize