Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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