this just has baby written all over it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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