Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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