Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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