Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
