just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I have post one night stand depression
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