I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
