My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
