So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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