I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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