Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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