So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
