My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You are the jesus of drinking
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
