By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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