if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
