I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
