brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
