he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
