my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
