i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
