when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
