If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
