im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
