ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
