Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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