like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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