I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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