Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
