the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
