2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
