I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
