i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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