sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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