My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize