Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
