be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
