you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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