you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This is the high leading the old right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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