Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
