whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
