it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
