yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's rum buckets o'clock
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
