I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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