White coat. Heels.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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