PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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