So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I want is dick and wine.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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