I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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