I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
