just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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