So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
