from now on my penis is your penis
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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