im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
