Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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