As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
