Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
