Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
