Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
