did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize