I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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