the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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