were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
