Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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