We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
