just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
