Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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