fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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