i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
