We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
