she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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