I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
