The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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