So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
