My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
