you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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