pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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