Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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