His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize