my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
