I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
