Sry I called you an 8
Nicole vs. Life
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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