butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
