Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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