I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize