I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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