Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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