Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
