Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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