Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
