Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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