trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
