hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
