I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
