There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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