this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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