maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
